Clinic Update..

I'm gonna be that middle one.

The criticism-fearing 12 year old in me is constantly slightly afraid to go to the clinic because I'm always imaging them yelling at me for not journaling every single day or for having gained a pound or two. This is ridiculous for two reasons: 1) so far I haven't had any gains, but fairly steady and consistent losses and 2) they don't DO that.

These people are nice! They don't yell at me! They don't judge or sneer at my comments or ideas! They don't ground me for not cleaning my room or pinching my sister or not eating my vegetables or giving them the finger that one time when I was 16 in my bedroom when my shadow on the hallway wall gave me away...

Oh god, I think I have mommy issues.

Regardless, I had a clinic visit the other day and despite my catastro-fantasizing - it went very well and no one yelled at me. In fact it went so well that I didn't need to book a follow-up appointment with my nutritionist and my only existing visits are to see my psychologist for a one-on-one after having completed the "Emotional Eaters" group and.. drumroll please...

A surgical referral appointment that is booked for April 11th!

This is exciting news because it means that big things are on the horizon for this soon-to-be-little(r) girl! This appointment will determine whether the clinic deems me ready to be referred to a surgeon so you can see that it is a big step. A big, exciting, scary, awesome step.

My boyfriend and sister are extremely supportive. I chose to tell my Mom that I could be having surgery and after a few seconds of what I can only imagine was her attempting to speak through brain aneurysm.. I just hung up. Maybe she will come around at some point, but now is not the time to focus on that. Instead I'll lean a little on those who are supportive and happy for me and in that I will find the courage and strength to make this work and be unafraid.

:D

-J. xx